Fuh Fuh Fuh Fuh Fuh Freshhhh

When I hear the word ‘delicacy’ I used to think fine, delicious and appealingly unusual. However recently  this has changed, and now it pretty much just makes me think mega friggin’ weird. Went to try a Korean delicacy (by which, according to my recently reformed definition, means something just really skank) called  Sannakji/산낙지. The ‘nakji’ part means a small octopus (good start) and the ‘san’ part apparently means fresh. When they say fresh, they really mean fresh. It’s killed, the tentacles cut into chunks that are several inches in length, and served straight up(not quite old boy style, although you can if you’re sick in the head). If that doesn’t sound tantalisingly tasty enough, it is still squirming and wriggling  on the plate (you can youtube dat). Vomiliscious. The suckers on the tentacles are still doing their mad skillz, so apparently if you don’t chew them properly then they can get stuck sucking your throat and suffocate you. ‘Double D - Dangerous and disgusting’ [Tucker, 2012].

It’s starting to get pretty cold now. The other day it dropped to -13 degrees C apparently. It’s so called that on the way to class in the morning I no longer see the ‘Dancing Doctors’ do their pre-shift warm-up outside the hospital. Truly  disappointing. It snowed too. I can’t even describe the sheer elation and disbelief of my 27 year-old Australian mate who saw a snow ball larger than 50cm tall being rolled. It was probably comparable to a blind person seeing creation for the very first time, or a parent holding their new born baby for the first time.

On the underground the other day, saw that a kid was memorising some English vocab and so had an inquisitive peak over his shoulder.  I’m not sure just how great a grasp of the English language these kids feel they need, but I’m fairly sure they’d get by (I’m able to personally testify to this) without the words ‘finagler’, ‘garrulous’ or ‘halcyon’ as only a few examples of words ‘you only need if you’re on countdown, or if you’re really anal about knowing words that you would only need if you were on countdown’ (quotation marks not strictly necessary). Don’t get me wrong, I love (believe it or not) unusual words (don’t necessarily know many) (any), but for second language these are the least of their worries. I would have said they were getting totally mugged off by the vocab that they were learning if I hadn’t later spotted under the phrases section ‘to get to first base’. Now there’s some proper education, English language basics.

Regretting Running Rabid Routes

Have been on a few runs around the area I live in, but have yet to find a successful route. By successful route I mean any which doesn’t have a high probability of meeting a potentially rabid animal along the way. The latest course abruptly stopped when it lead me to a dog. Not being a vet, and equipped with only the description of Tim Johnson from ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’ as a account of how a rabid dog may appear and behave, I cannot say with absolute certainty whether or not this dog was diseased. But as I made eye contact with it, I could tell that something was not quite right, and when it started to chase me a metaphorical lump of excrement formulated in my underwear. Luckily I quickly learned that walking opposed to running seemed to produce a similar response in the dog, and so I nervously walked myself to safety.

Despite telling them, I’m not convinced the host family are aware that I have lived away from home and that I can (this is a debateable statement) cook for myself. I received a hilarious explanation on how to cook instant noodles which included the instructions ‘put water in the pan’, and a small discussion on whether they should be boiled for 2 or 3 minutes. Bless.

Went on a day trip to a traditional Korean folk village. I’m not very good at planning day trips, and often go with the dreadful philosophy that ‘no plan is the best plan’. Decided to take the bus, as it is far more exciting than the underground, despite taking double as long (around 2 ½ hours, I wasn’t aware of this prior to journeying). Once I had realised that the excursion may take a fair quantity of time, little attention was paid to the current location until it was thought that we were probably closer. Despite being absolutely convinced that our stop would be the next one, we got thrown off the bus in the middle of a massive university campus because  that was apparently the last stop. Was also busting for the toilet. Walked into a few of the university buildings trying to find a toilet, but I’m sure we very sorely stood out as two foreigners with confused and (toilet) pained looks upon their faces probably would. After the urgent needs had been satisfied,  found a taxi who would be able to chauffeur us to our desired destination. If only we knew the Korean name for it, but alas we didn’t (classic planning). After hazarding a guess at what it might have been called, we just jumped in the taxi anyway despite the hilarious lack of confidence the taxi driver had of where to go. Along the way I was able to point to a sign in both English and Korean of where to go.

Been investing a small amount of time into trying to convince many girls that I look like Daniel Craig. As if a ‘similar haircut’ and a ‘chiselled jaw’ aren’t enough to persuade even the most hardened of sceptics, I feel that the section of the argument where I compare my body to his is particularly strong (despite often adament disagreement). I’m sorry Where’s Wally, you are no longer macho enough to be considered my dopple ganger.

Kara-not-oke

I’ve never seen so much communal teeth brushing (and I’m a big fan of communal brushing) as I do in the university toilets. All times of day, more often than not at least someone is giving their chops a scrub. The other day, and I kid you not, it was so crowded that someone was brushing at a urinal. I’m not quite sure where the obsession with constantly keeping their teeth clean has come from, but I can hazard a guess it’s from the same source as a load of other TAT that I have heard over the past few weeks. For instance: if I don’t have an umbrella, the acidity in the rain will make my hair fall out; if I drink water with a meal it will dilute my stomach acid, making digestion less efficient and making me fat; if I sleep at night with a fan on and the doors closed I WILL DIE.  Koreans may work and study ridiculously hard, but there appears to be a national inability to question utter BS.

Went to a 노래방/noraebang (essentially karaoke) with some Taiwanese course mates. Wow. I had not realised that karaoke etiquette is not a universal concept prior to this event. I sang the first song (September by Earth Wind & Fire, routine) whilst they proceeded to queue literally about 25 songs. The next song I had queued (Livin’ la vida loca, homage to the German Market) had not reached its turn in the queue within AN HOUR. My incredulity at this extreme discourtesy led me to leaving, meeting a friend (who received a rant on social politeness) and then playing some bus roulette.

Ah Bus roulette, quickly becoming a personal favourite of mine. Seoul rules are (just made that up) get on the first bus you see, pick a person at random (usually someone with an odd sense of fashion) and then get off when they do. Ended up in this dodgy neighbourhood where there seemed to be a lot of police cars, so promptly got on another bus and ended up in Gangnam (yes, the Gangnam of Gangnam style). I can confirm that the ‘Gangnam style’ is genuinely song title worthy as there are indeed many ‘hey, sexy lady’ [sic] .

climbing a mountain with good company

Went to climb up Bukhansan, a mountain in Seoul, with a friend because in the Autumn it is apparently beautiful (although I think I was a bit too late..). Got given instructions of where to go from host Dad in korean which is probably why we got lost. I've come to realise that Koreans are the epitome of 'all the gear but no idea', and so it slowly began to dawn on me that the tactic of following the couple of front of us with properly keen hiking gear was failing after walking for about 45 minutes along a flat road. After changing routes, we found a massive gang of people walking one route, so we decided to join in with them. It turned out that we had managed to gatecrash a companies' team bonding day out, and also managed to gatecrash their picnic at the top of the mountain too (it was delicious), AND even made some cheeky appearances in their group photos. Classic. They had the most interesting approach of downing alcohol to get back down the mountain once at the top as to 'loosen up the muscles'. Well - when in Rome. Oh, and impressed some of the babes with some one handed climbing whilst videoing with my other hand. You're welcome, ladies.
 They had booked an 'after hike' table(s) at a restaurant, but after no invitation materialising (even after dropping numerous strong hints of having no plans) we thought it was probably a step too far to join in with this one too. Although definitely enjoyed seeing the confused look on one of the guys faces after walking passed the restaurant who, after hiking with them the whole day, must have assumed that I we were fellow employees.

Went to a constructed traditional folk village in the middle of Seoul. They had this free traditional medical examination service, so I decided to show some hot nurses my health and my language skills. Having to take of my shoes though, it got pointed out numerous times that I had some little holes in my socks. And also that my nose was red due to the cold. They said I was cute, not quite the impression I aimed to make, but I'll take it. They also said I looked like Robin Williams. Not thrilled, but I probably would have been a lot happier with the comparison if it hadn't been made in the context of Mrs Doubtfire.

shWedding a few tears

The apartment I’m living in has a gym that’s just opened, and it’s free for 2 weeks so I thought I’d check it out. After walking in, I started to feel slightly uncomfortable at the woman behind the desks panic stricken face. I went over, and asked if things were alright to which she rambled at me, pointed to my bag and feet, and rambled some more. I didn’t understand her, but apparently she was telling me that I need 2 pairs of shoes. One for walking TO and FROM the gym, the other for use IN the gym so that the gym DOES NOT get dirty. WHAT. I’m still really struggling to get my head round this.

Went to my course mates wedding today. Weddings here are a lot different; they nail the ceremony in about 25 minutes, smash some pictures afterwards, and then everyone goes and has a buffet and then pretty much leaves after eating. Bish bash bosh done in 2 hours. EC. Not even enough time to get introduced to some hot babes which I was properly miffed about. The groom also had to wear makeup, which I think made him a little uncomfortable. During the ceremony I looked behind me to see pretty much all my female Asian coursemates balling their eyes out. Oh, and they got a bit camera trigger happy. Just the usual.

First hints of missing the UK came after watching the new James Bond. Pretty sure the rest of the cinema didn’t get any of the jokes/one liners as it was pretty much just me laughing throughout. Sigh, Britain…

Started a two man queue with a guy in the subway toilets. There was one toilet which was free, which he pointed for me to use, and I think he took great pleasure in my face dropping when I saw that it was a squat-bog. Not as much pleasure as an old man, just minutes later, giving me a live demonstration on ‘squat-bog technique’ (clothed, before your imaginations carry you) and laughing at my reluctance to equally perform. His technique was sublime though, the stability and the dippage he got on his squat… just simply marvellous.

(chop)sticking it out on the subway

Internet exists. Pure, sweet and pretty unreliable Wi-Fi exists. All those desperate for a Skype chat (just mum? Oh, ok then) get in touch.

Went to my Hobros ‘sports day’. The ‘sport’ part on the whole was fairly inaccurate, unless filling a bag with boxes and standing it upright is a legit sport. Another classic was the grandparents race, where watching an old man stack it whilst rolling a giant ball around a course provided particular comedic value. The ‘day’ part was spot on though, a 9 – 5 epic made more epic by a gigantic stash of food appearing where we were sitting (a very common theme). Host Dad told me (mostly through hand gestures) that it was our responsibility to finish it. Ouch.

 Had 2 drunk old men in 2 days chat to me on the subway. I think a bit of Dutch Courage prompted them into using their very limited English skills. One of them gave up and just rambled to me in Korean. The other started shouting ‘I hate Japanese People’. Properly Awkward.

Had some writing and listening tests this last week. I take pretty much every opportunity I can to write about girls in any homework or test. The latest ‘masterpieces’ were about wanting to get a girl for Christmas, doing exercise because girls like ripped guys, and learning to love shopping because all girls love shopping. There shall be some serious incredulity if these stories or not deemed worthy of full marks.

Just received the entire (probably) history of Ramyon (Korean noodle) from my host bro, including what he believes would be the nations’ ranking of each brand. Authentic Asian living. Speaking of that, my chopstick skillz are now pretty sweet. Gained numerous recognition from natives on my ‘stunningly slick stick style’, and have even used them to munch on some pizza, and roast chicken. Move over Ji Sung Park, there’s a new boy in town.

Hairpy Birthday

Asian girls love to take pictures. Mass generalisation but fairly confident that that statement is 100% accurate. For my birthday, classmates had bought me a cake (pretty emotional) which they lit with candles, sang happy birthday and then took about 15 minutes worth of photos. One even had like a 'machine gun' mode which smashed out like 100 pictures a second. Rapid.

Got a haircut the other day, an experience. Found an 'english' speaking place (apparently), of which the girl ignored most of my instructions of what I wanted, likely due to a lack of comprehension. A 'bouncer' type figure stood behind the whole time, occasionally brushing hair off my face or sticking a sponge on my head when cutting the fringe. That job has got to suck. Another employee decided to come over and watch too. Awkward. Conversation also stagnated quickly when she informed me she hadn't heard of Wales.

Just experienced Chuseok/주석 which is Korean thanksgiving. Flipping heck. Literally, pretty much all they do is eat. Even on any given meal, it is essential to have like between 6 and 10 separate little dishes, but that sum is called to be quadrupled. Probably. (Mild over estimation). Even smashed down a tinny at 10 in the morning, classy. When in Rome.

Had some good subway experiences. One old guy, before leaving the subway, came over to me to have a good stroke on my arm hair for 30 seconds. Another guy slept on my shoulder. This is life.

animals - I 'ate their guts

Went out with the guys (and girls - pc) from 'the class next door'. Turned out it was one of their birthdays which I was very ill informed of. Headed to a restaurant and as no one can really read/speak Korean, the safe option was taken by heading to the place with lots of people. After ordering, again, no one really knew what was ordered, but one guy could pick out the words for pork, beef etc. and so there was a quiet confidence of a delivery of good solid meat. After a few suspect looking dishes, alarm bells were being raised as people started to question what we were eating. Turns out we had chosen to dine at an intestine restaurant. They say ignorance is bliss, and at that moment it was comparatively pure ecstasy.

Got invited out to join some people at a café, and within 10 minutes they all left for lessons. One of the most bizarre invitations I’ve received. Or I stank. (For personal peace of mind I’m going with the former). Was almost as bizarre as my inability to borrow books from the University library here. Personally, I think it’s racism. Communicating with non-english speaking Asian class mates is getting a lot easier, enough for them inform me that I have ‘aged badly’. By Asian standards, it’s probably true (by western standards, it’s probably true).

Got some ‘air’ on the dodgy bus ride home, there’s a special ‘yellow’ bus of which any form of suspension (or safety for that matter) appears to be absent. I'm all about the adrenaline rush and the cheap thrills at the moment. Took a massive gamble and farted in an empty elevator at the ground floor with 22 to go. Living life on the edge.

My HoBros, Chicken and Hoes

It’s been a while, mainly due to a distinct lack of internet in the new house. That’s right, the family I live with moved house. Potentially the most relaxed moving house I’ve ever witnessed, and host mum thought it was funny that I packed everything away in my suit case, as apparently the moving house guys would have done it for me, AND put it back in the new house all laid out correctly. Britain has got to hire these guys.

Practiced some relationship bonding with my host brother as I made him shave my neck hair. I repaid him by showing him some of my Michael Jackson dance moves. I can also currently hear my other host brother singing ‘Newport County’;  I’m overwhelmed with pride. Had a tour round Seoul National University which is pretty much in the mountains. Also was comforted to see that in even Christian Unions abroad are remarkably similar – a bunch of people sat around talking whilst a few people play a guitar in the corner.

At a urinal I saw a ‘smartie dispenser’. I don’t know what it was, but was pretty disappointed when I realised that I wasn’t going to get some smarties (the greatest of wee treats). Oh and lemonade here is called ‘cider’ – WHAT IS THAT ABOUT.  Also saw a seedy looking pub which had a tacky sticker on the window saying ‘Chicken and Hoes’. Gotta give it to them, they have nailed their target audience. Entrepreneurship at its peak, Sir Alan would be proud.

Chickan + Beer = Cheer

I've been introduced to a new highway code over here. One which contains substantially less regulations. Smash the pavements if you're a motorbike. No worries.

Ever had that infuriating situation when you're at a red light, but you want to turn RIGHT? Luckily in Korea you don't need to wait till green, just go for it. Don't let anything hold you back (literally, wearing seat belts isn't even compulsory). It's mental.

Saw a bit of 'Ji Sung Park' highlights on the telly the other day. Highlights dedicated to just him. Highlights of Ji Sung Park playing football. Still haven't got over that.

One of the most important words I've learnt so far - chimaek (치맥). This is a meal which consists of just fried chickan and beer. It's a conglomeration of the words for chickan and beer. Got me thinking, maybe it's the same in English... and then it struck me. Chickan + Beer = Cheer. That MUST be the origin of the word cheer, it makes so much sense. More sense than the short conversation I had with my Taiwanese course mate. Awkward. And apparently, according to Bing translate on a photo caption in Mandarin, I am now a pro European fighter. Go on then.

Cymru, Dabochi and 10p Coffee

Btw, Cymru does rhyme in the title.

So, pretty much been telling a lot of people this uninteresting story about how there is this food called dakbocki which sounds very similar to dabochi, the welsh for Good bye (I hope). No one really gets it. Or cares. So dakbocki is this spicy tube of rice, stogged up so much that it’s solid. It’s ok, but I wouldn’t write home about it. Although technically I am. Oh and they also have fried chickan here which tastes just like friend chickan does and has the same effect on my bowels that fried chickan does. So I’m feeling right at home.

Was practicing speaking some Korean but my accent sucked. I Joked around saying that if I put on a strong welsh accent (yeah I know, it’s already pretty strong right) then my pronunciation would be better. I did it. It was better.  I should probably whack it out in class (the accent that is), there was a gasp of sheer delight (my interpretation of events) when I informed my fellow students that I was from Wales. I thought best not to confuse them with that near to malarkey.

So yeah, a small cup of coffee in the Uni is only 150 won which is about 10p! By no means is it the best coffee ever, but certainly drinkable and for 10p everyone’s a winner. Also had to purchase a notepad today as on the cover it said (copied EXACTLY) ‘I want for a stroll along the public garden Some sunny, warm spots had fresh young glass coming up already The singing of birds seems to foretell the coming of happy dream’. If those are not words to live by daily, then I’m really not sure what are.

Ho-bros, Jo-hos and Discos

Went on a walk up the mountain which is essentially my back garden (so flipping cool) with my 2 host brothers. For those that love exercise, half way up the mountain is an outdoor exercise station. I'm talking bench for bench press, inclined situps, cross trainers, push up bars, pull up bars etc. etc. For free. Now that blew my mind. Had a sesh on those, and then told my ho-bros to wait whilst I ran to the top and took some pictures. Banging view. Ran back down, had a mouth like Ghandis sandal and asked my ho-bros where the water was and said hello to some middle aged ladies all in Korean. I must have been so good, as one of them came up to me, handed me a leaflet and yapped at me in Korean. Don't have a clue what she said, but turns out they were Jehovah's Witnesses. Spammed.

I've also always thought that I give out the 'I really like funk music' vibe (you can tell by the way I use my walk), but this was affirmed when on the subway a lady came up to just me and gave me a flyer for a 70's themed disco contest and party. Obviously very flattered. Then the next day, I again got given the same flyer (probably by the same lady) somewhere totally different. Her Disco-dar must have gone into overdrive.

Introduced ho-bros to songpop - can't get enough of it. And they slaughtering the K-Pop section. If you don't know what songpop is then I'm sorry as that probably meant nothing.
Honestly though, having a great time. Couldn't feel more welcomed by my fam, they are so lovely and warm.

Oh, and did anyone catch the BeeGees reference I put into this post? (rhetorical question) (but you can answer if you want) (especially as it means there will be more comments which makes me think people actually read this) (but seriously, it's rhetorical)

First couple days

Hopped on the plane, only half full which meant I got a full row to myself - arm rests up, lie down and lets have a cheeky sleep. Got given some Korean food on the plane. Didn't know what to do with this pot of water with things floating in it, so I didn't do anything. A theme that I think may continue.

Arrived a little later than expected due to a MOTHER LOVING TYPHOON. What are the chances. Got picked up from the airport by a couple I know back in 'da Stow' (Chepstow) who got me from the station to a restaurant where I met my host family: a Mother, father, and 2 boys ( 9 and 12, although thats not true because Koreans do the age thing differently and are actually 1 - 2 years younger. That also means I'm 24, say what). Pretty much didn't sleep that night as it was so so hot. Even without a duvet or anything. Rough.

Played Mario and Sonic at the London Olympics for the wii with the littlest kid. He had verbal diarrhoea as he splurged out the instructions in Korean. I had no idea what was going on, but I still think I beat him. Later on I thought it was appropriate to introduce him to the Notorious BIG, the boy has gotta learn. Not sure he was too impressed, but it'll come. Also cracked on the 'Ali G finger whip' (what is this called?). They'd never seen that before, and it is fair to say they were loving it.